Growing up in a conservative Catholic society would entail that mentioning `sex' (shhhhhh) elicits silence, raised eyebrows, frowns, and even open expressions of intense disgust. Still, others would have looks of unease mingled with fascination for your boldness. Well, at least that's how it used to be before I stepped into university. I'll be bold today, though, and talk about sex only because too many of us have already been deceived into stripping it of its value.

Throughout my life, parents, teachers, priests, nuns, advocacy groups and whatnot, have relentlessly campaigned about keeping one's virginity intact before marriage. Sex was reserved only for those married. Science points out the possibility of acquiring diseases, but gets ahead of itself anyway by promoting contraceptives, since what it really says it that sex can be enjoyed as long as you're safe. But then… is that just that? Just safety? There has to be something more to it..

This entry's not about being judgmental to anyone who's already done it. Rather, this is about making a conscious and sound decision for oneself without the influence of guilt imposed by one's upbringing. It's about living in the present.

If you've lost your virginity, I'm in no way trying to make you feel less of yourself (you know how people, especially women, are made to feel less of themselves for "losing" their virginity before marriage). I know it was your choice to do so. Similarly though, you have that choice to pick yourself up, stop feeling guilty and moping around, and start your life anew by giving yourself the respect your deserve. Besides, you've got your brains, talents, and achievements. You've got your good traits and your heart - you've got the ability to love real.


One test of real love is when you see for yourself that there is so much more to a relationship than just sex. It shouldn't even come to a point where if you don't do it with your boyfriend, he'll lose interest, and therefore you're going to have to do it with him. If push comes to shove like this, think twice. It might not be love after all. For all you know, he's really just using you (not even you but your body) for his own entertainment. You are a person with thoughts and feelings, empowered with the choice to take a precious part of yourself and give this to the person most deserving of it, the man who'll love you and stick with you through thick and thin, forever. Of course, this only happens when you get married. If you give your virginity away to someone who can't promise his love for you before the whole world and God, and who can only promise in bed where no one else can hear, it's fake love. There's no way that that can be real.

So value yourself, your mind, body, and spirit. Think of it this way: you don't want to give up your virginity to just anyone. Just as he deserves someone like you who has dignity and self-worth, you must also have only the best person to share this most special moment with.

It's your choice.

* The title is a quote from the character, Ana Garcia, from the film`Real Women Have Curves'.
*Image credit


Posted by Erika at 8:17 PM | 0 Comment/s